I Have Acquired the Rob Ford Crack Video

Brace yourselves, Gawker and Toronto Star. You done got scooped. By none other than yours truly.

I'll be the first to admit that when I first heard about the allegations of a video on which Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoked crack and called Liberal leader Justin Trudeau a "faggot" -- words I've heard bandied about on Twitter, not my own. (With experience I've come to despise that word, personally. No joke.) Even putting myself in the shoes of a person who hates Ford, I couldn't overlook some very common wisdom: if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

But as it turns out, the video is real. I've managed to acquire it, and for a far cry short of the $200,000 that drug-dealer-fundraising-for Gawker managed to cobble together.

The video is below. Brace yourself, Fordnation. I am about to rock your world.
Psyche.

Of course it isn't Fordnation's whose world has just been rocked. It's Fordhaternation. And they don't even know it.

Of course that video wasn't of someone who is allegedly Rob Ford allegedly smoking something that is allegedly crack. It's in fact very famous purported footage of sasquatch caught on film. But as it turns out, for all practical purposes this very much is the Ford crack video.

Think about what the story is to date: two Toronto Star reporters and a Gawker reporter claim they've seen a video of Rob Ford smoking crack. Unlike Roger Paterson, they don't even have the footage to "prove" what they've seen. But they insist that it exists. And they continue to insist that it exists despite the fact that some Toronto drug dealer apparently won't come out to claim the $200,000 all the drug-dealer-fundraising-for lefties of Toronto have scraped together for him.

A little fishy, no?

So this is the story that the Star thinks they have. Of course, they don't have the video, which means that they don't actually have the story, even as they plaster "crack scandal" all over any news coverage of Ford that they happen  to publish. (All of which focuses in on this alleged scandal, because that's all they're willing to ask Ford about; it's a professionally undignified means of creating their own news.)

This is what they have to substantiate it: a hypothetical, as-yet unseen and unverified video. A dark, shaky, low-rez and quite-likely-fake video. Not a damn bit different from what all sorts of people used as "evidence" that Big Foot is real. Except that odds are you've at least seen the Paterson film at least once. And keep in mind there's more than just one sasquatch video.

And all of this is what the psychotic denizens of the Toronto far-left -- and the Canadian far-left as well -- have bought hook, line and sinker.